post number eighty

I changed my site today; 5pm to be exact.

Site just ripped out; 6 hours later.

Hurt a lot. Bled some.

I'm not cool with putting another site in.

I miss NPH and syringes.

I'm temped to call my doctor and switch. She'd probably kill me and not know what to do. I've never been on anything but the pump with her and as far as I know I have an allergy to Lantus.

Maybe I should try Levemir.

I really don't care to be thinking about these things. I want to go to bed without another poke in the @$$. I'm afraid of it hurting; of it bleeding; of it coming out again. Two years and two months is a long time to stick with something.

Twenty years is a long time to wait for a cure.

I hate you, diabetes; more. than. anything. even onions

i'm still here

Yea, I'm here, sitting in the back, reading but not commenting (much). I've left the very very occasional comment here and there, but most of the time I start to comment and say, "meh, I don't wanna." How very lame.

I guess I'm in a funk. Been here for a long while now. Been sick all winter on and off. Just meh. So, I'm here reading and half hiding under a rock I guess.

A1C jumped up almost a full point and had a lousy visit with my doctor--she was just rude. Lost weight for the OC challenge and gained it all back. Life's just frustrating some times!!

I've mislead you...

Oh boy. I've gone and mislead you all into thinking 131 represented a blood sugar. Oh no, the other numbers were the blood sugars lately. The 131 was another number and while as a blood sugar it doesn't thrill me as much as a good ol' 100 will, I'd take a million 131s over the crap I've been seeing lately.

It's just over the number of carbs I had while indulging on Papa John's Amazing Spinach Alfredo Pizza and Parmesan Bread Sticks.

But it's the exact number of units of insulin that I took in one 24 hour period of time. Yes, the same day that I ate the PJ's ASAP and PBS. Also the same day I experienced and obvious pump tubing kink or something of the sort resulting in some wonderfully lovely ketones accompanied by high blood sugars. And sure, I don't blame myself for the pump kink aspect here, but everything else about that number was under my control and if I'm going to be really honest--the pump kink didn't account for the 50 units of insulin that I would like to have seen not be a part of my day.

As you may have inferred from this information, I am not the most sensitive to insulin. As matter of fact, I believe that I am about as resistant as anyone I've ever heard of.

Something MUST be DONE!!!

131

That number represents failure to me. So do 324 and 287 and 304 in the a.m. Where's the easy button!!!!

Getting it done

I'm slipping.
And they say it's a slippery slope.

You see, way back when, I'd debate whether or not to take an injection before going to sleep. A dangerous question if answered wrong. Most times I took the shot. A few times, I didn't. Oh well, I wake up a little thirsty, right. And 20 years down the road loss of vision. ugh.

Tonight, I sit here really comfortable-like and the beeping of my pump reminds me that my reservoir is low and has been for hours. The dashes an indication that I'm scraping the bottom.

I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of site changes and insulin vials, of beeping machines attached to my body, of counting carbs and of this disease.

But it's the unknown complications and battles that the future holds that dictate the necessity of dragging my butt off this couch, digging out a reservoir and a site, finding my blue inserter device and getting it done.

Isn't that what it's all about, every day--Getting it done?