Wednesday, November 01, 2006


So, I would NEVER write a book. Not that I haven't thought about how cool it would be to write a book, but really my attention span would have failed me long before the first chapter was done. When I was a kid, however, I wrote little stories and broke them into chapters and they most all contained ridiculously simple conversation. I found some in the basement not too long ago and was very amused. However, I did start a blog and I have managed to neglect it well enough. This whole a post a day (at least) thing sparked a little interest. I don't have commitment issues. I have follow through and self discipline issues. I almost didn't send the email to say I was participating. My excuse was that I could just make myself post each day; I didn't need to tell anyone I was doing it. See, if I make a promise, I keep it. If there's no measuring of success or anyone to be held accountable to, then I might not follow through. So here's the beginning of a month of posts (maybe I'll even win a prize).

This self-discipline/accountability thing, by the way, did not carry over into my early diabetes management. I told the doctor I would test and I would call in my numbers to get out of his office, not because I meant it--I guess I only lie to people I don't care about? I never would call him. He would get upset. It was quite the relationship. Something changed though. I'm better now. I think the cure to all this is really being in the right place and right frame of mind. I'm not going to follow through and put effort into those things that I'm passionate about and care about. At the time, Diabetes was not what I cared about. Sure I was afraid of the long term affects, but having just come out of puberty with diabetes (hell), I didn't see the point. After all, Diabetes was not manageable by any means, so no matter how hard I tried, my control would always be less than ideal. My doctors would always be disappointed. I've learned in the past few years that Diabetes is manageable. It's tough. It's a 24/7 kind of job. It sucks. But I feel as though there is a little bit of sense to it (most days). Sure things happen that have no logical explanation, but after tweaking my own insulin doses and figuring out my own carb ratios and teaching myself to count carbs, I realized some things are done by formula! I prefer formulas to guesses!

So, no thanks to my doctor, here I am today trying to exercise self-discipline and follow through in yet another area!

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