Time for Bullets

• This is my first post from my new laptop and my ever so friendly neighbor's unsecured high speed internet (I have DSL, but with his to use, I don't have to bother installing DSL software).
• Kevin has given up sweets for 3 months! Kudos to him. No, I am not going to join him, because I don't honestly eat many sweets, so to give them up seems like the least of my worries.
  
• NaBloPoMo is over for me when I hit that little orange "Publish" button. Not so sure that I would call it fun or wonderful, but it's over. Good Enough.
• Today should be photothursday, but I'm slacking.
  
• My thought is, now that NaBloPoMo is over, I will try and concentrate a little more on something for the weight loss. (Have I said this already. Geez, I feel like I might have, so I'm gonna stop).
• I managed to get the D blogs on my "to read" list down to 41. Stop posting people!
  

That's all. I wonder with what frequency you'll hear from me now... hmm.

catching up...

I have 170 unread Diabetes Blogs to read... I think the number is a little steep, so my suspicion is that a few people republished their blogs and didn't actually write 25-30 blog entries while I was on that short little vacation.

Had some annoying blood sugar issues while I was gone, but I must say that today was just wonderful. 156 isn't a non-diabetic number, but for a diabetic like me 156 makes me smile on a day filled with hard work and travel!

I am really happy to be home and to sleep in my own bed tonight. Speaking of that...

I'll be back tomorrow with another mediocre post to fulfill my commitment to Naplobomo *how is that spelled again :)

After that post, it's back to random posts at random times, but the good news is that I can start thinking about this weight lose initiative idea thing that's been floating around. If we're going to do it, let's do it right! Email me with thoughts. orsa.aetas [at] gmail [dot] com

Had a miserable blood sugar day. Woke up in the mid 300s. Took me until lunch to get to 110. Then I got to deal with lows :) First low: juice. Second low: FRUIT PUNCH tabs. My professional opinion-yum. Back up to 214 by 4pm. Then a big dinner and now I'm in the mid 200s again. Bolus and sleep should help.

One more day. I fly home tomorrow. yay.

It's the simple things...

that keep me happy sometimes. I packed the glucose tabs small container and the large backup, so I wasn't in need when we arrived at Wal-mart, but we happened to walk through the diabetes aisle (we have our own stinkin' aisle--Granted half the items are protein bars and splenda, but whaever). It caught my eye. FRUIT PUNCH GLUCOSE TABS!!! Where have you been my whole life?!

I HATE the BD orange tabs. I get bored with the normal ones, but I use them and the taste isn't entirely offensive to me. BUT a new flavor! I could not resist.

The problem now is taste testing the new tabs. I certainly don't hope for a low and I'm not gonna just eat one, but I really really want to know! It's quite the conundrum. Inevitably, like death and taxes really, there will be another low and the new fruit punch tabs will be tucked away for trying! I can't wait, or can I?

In North Carolina. Only 2 miles from South Carolina. Longest two driving days of my life!!!!!! I'm going to bed! :)

Remember This? And then I called Joslin to have them send me my results and get them over the phone?

Well I received the first set of results very shortly after calling. Another set the next day and my third set yesterday morning.

I think Joslin is trying to punish me for calling; Too bad they're taking it out on a tree.

(I packed and leave in 1 hr 39 mins. :) )

.black friday.

I've left the house three times today...to do laundry. No full contact shopping for me! It was so much easier to dial dell and order over the phone (Thanks Dad!--cashing in on my bday and Christmas combined present, right smack dab in the middle of the two "holidays"). A big "Way to Go" goes out to Phillip over at Dell. Not only is he working today (how quickly I forget what it's like to be in retail), but he also had the misfortune of meeting me via phone this morning. He really was exceptional though; checked all my prices and processed my super-duper 20% off coupon code (Thank you Internet!) AND he didn't seem annoyed at all. :)

I have a bigger task today, however. I need to pack. I'm a last minute person by nature, but I have a special, "oh poop, this is the time!" talent. It's that minute when I need to start the task at hand or else it won't be finished. I have yet to reach that point. I want to be at that point, really, I do. Just like I tried to write those three 15-20 page papers ahead of time in college, but I couldn't, so I wrote 2 one night and the third the other night. Yep, I am a procrastinator and I am good at it. I'm down to 4.5 hours to pack, hit Walmart for any needed "stuff" and get to the movies--Anyone seen Happy Feet yet?--for 7pm. I did have the presence of mind to find my doctor's note for traveling ahead of time. I'm sure there aren't many people willing to write me a note today!

So, NaBloPomo... is gonna be a stretch these next few days, as it won't be my priority. The intention for this exercise was not to wow you with my prose or to win prizes (although, I wouldn't mind), but was more for the self-discipline exercise, so I feel as though I've accomplished the goal with or without a full month's worth of posts.

North Carolina here I come! oh, right, once I've packed... hmmph!

Thanksgiving PhotoThursday

I am most thankful this November for my two nieces and my nephew:


My oldest niece, Catherine. She's the ham and the photogenic one. She's also taking after her aunt and can be seen running around the house with someone's digital camera, snapping pictures and ordering people to smile or sit with whoever the subject is. It's great.


The middle child, Emily. T-r-o-u-b-l-e Also, the wild woman and when you get her started giggling, she just keeps going and going, but watch out if she's sick of misses mommy, she's a terror!


The baby and future spaceman, Aidan. Weighing in at 4 lbs and 3 oz at birth (4 weeks early), he is up to 6 lbs and 3 oz now. Seemingly no adverse health effects from being a premie, Thank God!

I'm including a more up to date photo of him outside of his bubble and at his current weight (18.5 inches!)...


And one of the proud sisters dressed in orange for orange day at Catherine's school.



photo credit: 1st 2 photos: me. last 3 photos: my brother/his wife

beta beta beta

I did it. I switched to beta.
I wasn't going to, but curiosity got the best of me. Well that and the fact that there was something better... or was there?

One of the features of beta, the new, easy to use template rearranger/formatter, I can't use. If I do switch to it, I lose all of my formatting (i.e. banner, font, diabetes ribbon, etc). And some things, like the font and colors are easy fixes, especially with the new beta, but other things like the banner, require more work, so I am holding off on those things.

Another annoyance I have is the signing in with my gmail account. I might have benefited from thinking this through more thoroughly. The gmail account associated with this blog is not my everyday, send me an email, email. This is because I'm sensitive about my anonymity here on the good ol' internet. So, in order to comment on your blog or even write this blog, I have to sign out of my email and log into the other account. Slight annoyance.

However, Thanksgiving is tomorrow, so I'm going to try to be thankful for all the wonderful people at google who have provided me with the best email service I've ever had (yay for less spam and spam that filters itself well and for spam recipes, which I'd never, ever cook). Google also provides me with answers and my calendar. Yay google.

I'm thankful for some other things this evening and here they are in an ever so convenient, bulleted format:

• Did you read about the chemical explosion in Danvers, Ma? I went to school very nearby to that town. I am amazed at how large the explosion was (I had a friend a couple of towns over who were frightened by the blast and apparently it was felt as far away as parts of Maine and NH.) I'm also amazed that no one was killed. It reminds me of how thankful I should be. (If you want to see more photos and info, go to Boston.com, but you'll have to sign up for a free registration.
  
• I'm not a fan of the holidays. I don't have a big family and I just found out on Sunday where I would be spending tomorrow. (I'm not a grinch, really) That being said, I am thankful that I will spend dinner with my two wonderful nieces and my new nephew!
  
• If my scale is correctly calibrated to the one at Joslin, I've lost weight since my appointment and hopefully a little more than just water weight or whatever (technically the scale read 7 lbs under my weight as of October 27th; I hope I'm only being pessimistic without a need to be). Whatever lit the fire under my butt, thank you.
• I'm tired. I am extremely thankful for the bed I have in the other room and the heat that I can afford to keep me warm on a bitterly cold night like tonight.
  
• I'm thankful for my computer :) duh.
• This may be cliche by tomorrow afternoon, but I'm thankful for the Diabetes OC and the wonderfully supportive and understanding people that are a part of it.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

(I'll be back tomorrow with a Thanksgiving PhotoThursday type of post. Can't give up on Nablopomo after all these days!)

oh, and beta has me paranoid just like the comments... I just copied and pasted the whole post, because you never know when a beta program's gonna freak out and delete!

half baked? & weight loss stuff!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this hear before or just thought about mentioning it, but I get a very distinct feeling that God is trying to tell me something. And specifically that I need to eat at home and never, ever eat at restaurants.

Why you ask?

Because most times I visit a restaurant something is screwed up. My picky eating habits used to get blamed for this, but really I've noticed that it's not my eating habits, it's just me.

Tonight's round:

A small local inn restaurant. Menu item: "fish and chips"

My order: "Fish and chips with a baked potato instead of french fries please" (You know an attempt to be healthy!) Oh and I ordered a small cup of clam chowder.

There was nothing wrong with the chowder except that it didn't taste very good. I ate very little of it-the waitress (waitress, didn't we have a waiter?) didn't even ask about it. I wonder if people there normally only put a quarter inch dent into their chowder.

The meal arrives and the tartar sauce is obviously "different." Some would say I'm just being picky, but please, please, if you ever write a menu warn me when something is completely out of the ordinary, such as your use of sweet red relish instead of normal good ol' relish. Yuck!

Entirely more disturbing would be the baked potato; It was half-baked, maybe? Hard. yup. So I ordered french fries to replace the not cooked potato. A few minutes after my father finished eating his meal, my french fries arrived (yup, that long). So, all attempts at being healthy were thrown out the window, the fish just wasn't good without the proper tartar sauce, and we got to pay full price for all our items. Good thing, because a discount might have been too generous.

I just don't get it. Maybe my standards are too high? Perhaps I should just eat hard "baked" potatoes. Maybe I should just order french fries when eating out, just fries, who can screw up fries!?

What a waste of time.

I feel like two days of ranting might come across the wrong way, but too bad :)

-------------

In other news, the whole baked potato ordering was the new attempt at being healthy in this push for weight loss that I've been tossing around the past couple of weeks. I'm brainstorming ideas for us all. I know some concern about starting pre-holidays has come up and I think we should all gear ourselves up for what's to come. Start making some small changes even though it is the holidays. I've started bringing lunch to work. Just a small step. Maybe it's something different like ordering healthier sides at a restaurant (just make sure the restaurant doesn't suck--I'm not bitter; Have I told you all how much I LOVE baked potatoes; once again, not bitter). Or parking the car way the heck out in the middle of the mall parking lot with the employees just to get some extra steps in.

I'm sure there are other ways to work some healthy-ness into our everyday lives. Any suggestions!?

Ignorant much?

Regarding Adam Morrison. Written after Gonzaga was knocked out of the tourny this past spring.

"Frankly, I have grave doubts that Morrison is going to be a top NBA player. He's thin, doesn't guard anyone, and needs the ball all the time. Besides, he is diabetic, which is more serious than many seem to realize."

Read the whole article.

I read this quote today. A lot of things that we hear and read about diabetes makes us angry or disappointed. This short excerpt was no different for me. I emailed the author. I'm not sure if I overreacted or if how I read it, was how it was stated.

To me it sounds flippant. As if the first three reasons he gave were not enough and even if they aren't enough it wouldn't matter, because besides all this, he's a diabetic; and it's serious, folks. UGH.

In my email I pointed out to him the professional athletes currently competing. I only emailed because I think people need to hear it more. They need to realize that we're not going to die tomorrow although we could.

All I ask is that people take diabetes seriously (stop comparing my insulin to your anti-depressants or the research that goes into my diabetes to the lack of research for your condition (non-life threatening)). But while you're recognizing our danger, our challenges, our adversity, please do not limit us. We don't limit ourselves, so anything you say will only further motivate me!

ugh!

Lazy Sundays

Stolen from Julia.

Dude! You're 100% from Massachusetts!

Dude! Me and Sully and Fitzie and Sean are gonna hit Landsdowne tonight after the game, hang out at the Beerworks. I'll pick you up at the Coop at 6.

How Massachusetts are you?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

92% TRUE Red Sox Fan, PLAY ON!

Yeah you are a true and dedicated Red Sox fan, ya wicked sweet ma--hole! Kick those Yanks back to New Yawk where they belong! Go Red Sox! Yankees suck, Yankees suck!!

Are You a True Dedicated RED SOX Fan?
Quizzes for MySpace

Still unsure which question I got wrong on the red sox one. Perhaps the who is hotter one? Since three of the four choices no longer play for the sox and at least one other question was about a former red sox player turned yankee (stupid damon, although I never really liked him, honest), I think they need a new quiz.

Feeling Pressured

I'm feeling very pressured as of late to change over to beta blogger, but I'm standing my ground! I haven't heard any nice things about it yet, so until they make me move, I'm happy where I am! However, they're (google) trying very hard! Anyone have any positives to share?

I know my blog doesn't have a very large readership (although since installing the sitemeter thinger, I'm surprised to see the amount of visitors that I have), but two people or three have expressed interest in losing weight and the idea that perhaps the OC could pull together and encourage each other. Any ideas on how this can be done? I had a friend lose some weight doing a "biggest loser" type "game" at her work--she also won some money. I am vague on all the details, but if you gained weight you had to put money in the pot and you weighed in each week. Not so sure that would work over the internet and money isn't something I'm dying to give away! BUT perhaps we could find something else to motivate us?

If you're interested and didn't leave a comment, let's talk about this. And Scott, you're not allowed to come up with excuses to not join! If you were, then I don't think any of us would be participating (that might be the root of the problem!)

We might need a bigger forum than my blog for this idea, but if a few people are sincerely interested, then let's get the ball rolling and encourage others to join us!

Have a happy Saturday! I'm off to CT to spend some time with the extended family and meet my new cousin for the first time!

Just the other day I came across a new blog, AtomicTumor. I have no idea how, but I started reading the archives and sat at my computer simply amazed and hurting for this family. Just after Halloween a young mother of two boys, 4th grade and 4 years old, became very ill. Her husband dedicated their blog as a vigil and place to update about his wife's condition. His love for her throughout the past 17 days has inspired many people and has broken many hearts today. BJ/GAC (as she is referred to on the blog) was pronounced brain dead this morning and has passed away. The internet is an amazing thing. As the diabetes community we've offered each other support and created a bond. This man has touched many people through his love for his wife. I encourage you to read some of his posts, leave a message for his family, and say a prayer. 29 years old is too young to be taken by such a mysterious illness. A nine year old boy should not lose his mother just days before his birthday and no four year old can fully grasp what he will be faced with.

The statement from the blog:
"GAC, my 29 year old wife, the mother of two young children, and a frequent writer here is in dire condition. The root cause is unknown, but she is in critical condition at an ICU here in Oak Ridge, TN.
While this is happening, I'm hijacking what is normally a once a day, write whatever kind of blog and turning it into a journal and a vigil for her.
This began on October 30, became serious on November 2nd, and became critical on November 3rd. Feel free to catch up in the archives.

BJ passed away today, November 17. Her family had a chance to say good bye, and it was a peaceful death. I will continue writing about my experiences, because it is therapeutic, and because maybe it will help you."

Hooray for PhotoThursday!

This is one of my favorite photos from spring break in Ireland my senior year of college. This is the back side of the Dublin Castle as seen through a wire railing on a set of stairs leading down to the maze and coach house. You can see more pictures (not mine) of the castle, gardens, and coach house here. The first photograph on that page shows the random primary color buildings quite well. If you ask me they look a bit out of place, but I'm not complaining--this photo makes me happy every time I see it.

Another great thing about PhotoThursday is that it provides a break from Diabetes. :) I haven't any great diabetes related photographs to show!

Have a wonderful Thursday!

.an honest post.

Today was a bad day. I'm not a terribly open, here's how I'm feeling kind of person. Tonight, I'm going to attempt it. Not for pity or for lack of outlets, but because I need to say it. There needs to be an admission.

My A1C result was fine; I'm not complaining, as previously stated. It's the weight, BMI and cholesterol lines that scare me. I've vowed to stay off of Lipitor or any other medicines. There is a strict policy in my proverbial medicine cabinet (I say proverbial because we all know our diabetes testing supplies don't fit in any medicine cabinet). The policy states that I take insulin period. As a child at my summer camp (I was the only diabetic), I used to think to myself during my many visits to the nurses' station, "Wow, I'm really glad I don't have to take pills every day. I wonder how these kids remember" and there would be a feeling of pity that they would be taking those pills for the rest of their lives for whatever ailment they might have.

I think of this now and of course I think I was a fool. But at the same time, I'm thankful that I wasn't focusing on my condition and the pain I could have faced thinking of myself as one of them. I took 3 shots a day, but for whatever reason, it just seemed routine. So, as I'm thinking of my cholesterol tonight and it has me rather annoyed, I trek over to the laundromat and while I'm tossing my clothes into the washer a commercial for Lipitor comes on. oy.

While taking my clothes out of the dryer, I am listening to Jeopardy on the television. The question is looking for the term referring to a person with a BMI of over 35. The answer: morbidly obese. double oy. And that leads into my frustrations today.

Tonight, diabetes or no diabetes, I'm fed up. A coworker and I started this January stating that we'd like to lose weight. She lost weight. I managed to gain what I would have liked to have lost. Not the total I would have liked to lose, but the amount that I considered my first goal. You know, trying to start small and not overwhelm myself. I lost about 7 pounds total before gaining it all back and then another 15 pounds. I'm really angry right now thinking about it. With or without diabetes, it needs to be dealt with. The cholesterol might be able to wait. The number's not THAT high. But I see the medications as being yet another easy way out. Take a pill instead of changing a diet or starting to exercise.

I know what needs to be done, but I am completely unwilling to change. What the hell is wrong with me? (For any one keeping track that is the first use of profanity here at orsa.aetas, just so you know) So, my first step is to write it down and unfortunately for you all, I choose my blog as my paper. Second step will be to eat saltine crackers and drink water for the next 365 days until I'm thin as a rail. Does anyone know if saltines have cholesterol?

Does anyone else ever have trouble with the security codes to ensure you're not a spam comment on blogger?

I don't blame blogger; Not at all. It's all me. For some reason I cannot read the things right and type the right letters into the box.

Confession: It once took me three tries.

Please tell me this has happened to you? It doesn't need to be frequent (I have trouble probably once every half dozen comments).

Oh and for the record, I blame the fancy fonts they use.

6.7

I finally gave in and called Joslin.

The nice lady told me she would put the results right in the mail. I stopped her and asked, "Could I have them over the phone too?"

She was ok with that (I wonder what she thought I wanted :) )

I'm not disappointed. I think I might be stuck (though I can't remember my last A1C now!), but I'm not willing to admit it yet even if I am. I've only been pumping just over a year now and I have some things that I NEED to do before inserting more drugs into my daily routine (i.e. exercise more frequently, attack the eating habits)

I hadn't set a goal for myself, so I can't say I missed it :) I think my goal of late has been to not have it go up. My new goal is to set some goals!

A little more than you wanted to know about me, perhaps.

I'm a little slow sometimes :) Here's the survey/meme most people filled out about 2 weeks ago!


1. Do you still have tonsils? Yep.

2. Would you bungee jump? Probably not, but I'd never admit it (well I guess I just did.) I'd give an excuse such as not having enough money or it is a waste of money or it's too dangerous, but not that I was scared or couldn't handle it. Just that it was impractical!

3. If You Could Do Anything In The World For A Living What Would It Be? Oooh, I would love to be a photographer for a magazine like National Geographic.

4. How many tattoos do you have? Zero.

5. Your favorite fictional animal? Elliot from Pete's Dragon!

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh? My friend Matt or Brian.

7. Do you consider yourself well organized? Depends. I try. And I know where everything is, mostly, but it all looks a mess!

8. Any Addictions? um, diet pepsi, but I'm working on it!

9. From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news? CNN

10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus? Carnival I guess, but really an amusement park would be better!

11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you grew up? A teacher. (Dropped that going into my Jr. year of college.

12. Best Movie You've Seen This Year? This is a difficult question--I can't remember what I had for breakfast.

13. Favorite alcoholic drink? Malibu & diet coke; jagermeister (did you know that's german for "hunt master?"); Bailey's Irish Cream!

14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Test my blood sugar.

15. Siblings? An older brother-6 years older.

16. What is the best thing about your job? The people I meet and the kids, oh and that I work with a computer--I'm comfortable with computers.

17. Have you ever gone to therapy? My dad did and I remember going with him, so I don't think it was for me, so, no.

18. If you could have one super power what would it be? Healing would be cool. :) Not only for the obvious selfish reason.

19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? Nope, but we just got one a little bit ago and it's huge! Maybe some day when I have some time, a truck, and a little extra cash!

20. Have you ever gone camping? Oh yeah. It's posh camping, but camping none the less.

21. Gas prices! First thought? If they get too bad, I can just put the car in neutral and coast down the hill to work.

22. Your favorite cartoon character? I used to like Marvin the Martian. I have no idea why because I was frightened of aliens as a child.

23. What was your first car? A ghetto white 1988 Ford Escort hand-me-down from my brother... complete with tinting, bra, and rain shield in the back window. It was a standard (all my cars have been) and a hatchback! I MISS Butch (yes, he had a name)

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? Nope.

25. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons? Cosby Show.

26. Do you go to church? Yes, I do.

27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Tedi Bruschi.

28. What errand/chore do you despise? Vacuuming. I hate it more than sweeping.

29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? crap, I'm tired!

30. Last time you puked from drinking? Never. I hate puking... I try my hardest to stay away from it.

31. What is your heritage? 1/2 English. 1/2 French Canadian.

32. Favorite flower? Pastel Tulips.

33. Disney or Warner Bros? Disney.

34. What is your best childhood memory? Going to the beach with my dad (Now I hate the beach, but then it wasn't so bad)

35. Your favorite potato chip? Salt & Vinegar.

36. What is your favorite candy? Butterfingers, Red Hots, or Airheads.

37. Do you burn or tan? burn...

38. Astrological sign? Scorpio.

39. Do you own a gun? No

40. What do you think of hot dogs? I like 'em--the beef ones! Burnt and without a bun.

who needs sleep... well you're never gonna get it...

I have nothing to write about (nothing that requires thinking anyway!) I just woke up from 6 hours of sleep after staying awake for 25 hours. That Providence Bruins game I alluded to last post was just a portion of an all-nighter event! It's 4:30 pm now and I just woke up and I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I think it was worth it though; I will reevaluate tomorrow.

My blood sugars are always a little screwy and understandably so. This night was no different. I did a site change before leaving the house, so I first clocked in at 330. Then a few hours later I did my first drop to 54 (my body's screaming at me: "What the heck are you doing up at this hour!!!!!!" My best and most controlled blood sugars, ironically were while playing soccer for 3 hours (12am-3am) with no temp basal. Instead I ate two slices of pizza at midnight and only bolused for 1. Not to shabby (112 and 114-pre and post). I can't say my judgment was great--I didn't test at all while running around (oops!). I had a low at bowling and a low right before breakfast (mmmm... sprite--at this point I was out of glucose tabs from the 11:30pm and 4:30 am ones; I should have packed the big bottle not the tube :) or maybe I should have refilled the tube---DUH!)

Now the worst of it is that I went to bed after breakfast, an oil change in my car (I think if I didn't just type that I would have forgotten that I got it done!), and a quick trip with friends to Home Depot and Walmart (those poor employees-it was like I was in college again and all three of us had been up over 24 hours). Oh that was a bad sentence! I went to sleep with a blood sugar of 86. I woke up an hour later drenched in sweat and at a level of 54 (seemed high for the symptoms!) I rarely overtreat a low! VERY VERY RARELY. Moral of the evening: being sleep deprived will mess with your head.

It's been six hours and I'm not hungry. The only MEAL I've had today was breakfast at 7am (a pancake and a side of bacon). What I corrected with: a juice box, a package of crackers, an airhead (how did I even find an airhead!?), and a big ol' bowl of cocoa puffs. Post nap BS: 247 (I knew instantly when I woke up that I forgot to take on the MILK in my BOLUS. ugh!)

I think some of the things that happened this morning are going to come back to me tonight, while I'm out celebrating a friend's 50th birthday... and it's just gonna be too funny to not sit there and laugh.

Things to remember for next year:
site changes to be done well before event begins!
refill your glucose tablets and remember snacks, fool.
Bring a bottled juice or powerade.
Don't sleep away your whole Saturday!

To the Home Depot employees: We're sorry if you were confused by us. Yes we were standing in the paint aisle for over 10 mins. It's just that you had Pirates of the Caribbean on the television and there was a wall to lean against. We were tired. :)

I posted earlier about not receiving my A1C results and as of 4pm today (2 weeks post visit) I still have no idea what the results were. I wonder if it's because of all the other tests they must have been running with the 4 vials of blood they took. I must say, the phlebotomists at Joslin are the best I've ever had--even if she did drop a vial on the floor.

Has anyone else heard that the instant A1C machines are less reliable than having the lab do the blood work? I have heard that the home ones are, but are the machines that they have in doctor's offices less reliable as well?

Julia posted below that the technicians that she has encountered always gripe that some higher-up won't put out the money for the machines. Hmm.

Joslin, please send me my results! Thanks. :)

--------------

I'm having a hard time pinning down my morning numbers issue. I can go to bed at 112 after a snack 2 hours earlier and wake up at 280. This is not normal! I've tried not eating before bed and I had great results (read post on November 3; sorry for some reason my blogs don't have links to open in their own windows. I broke my blog-crap!). Last night I tried eating something with the carb counts on the package. Went to bed and woke up with great numbers. So, my last evaluation here is that my carb counting is a little bit shoddy at night. oops.

--------------

This is where I'll be tonight! My second favorite event with our youth group kids!

Imagine a day without Diabetes

Dear HR Department,

I would like to submit my request for a vacation. Some time off hardly seems like a long time after 19 years of uninterrupted service to you. Nineteen long years of finger pricks, shots, blood sugars, A1C’s, ketone strips; of bouts with depression and anger, asking why me and praying for it all to be taken away.
I truly didn’t understand the long-term commitment ahead of me and I’d like to take this opportunity to remind you that, as a five year old, I didn’t sign up for this! You chose me. I do apologize if that seems petty.
It didn’t occur to me at the time when I was thrown into all of this that the benefits were so few—camp friends, the Diabetes OC (I’m struggling to make this list any longer)—and the demands were so many—constantly on call, wide swings of emotion, complications, loneliness, alienation (I’ll spare you the whole list). I’m glad I didn’t know. It wouldn’t have done me any better to look to the future. Instead I had hope. Hope for a permanent vacation. My retirement was my reason for persisting through it all (I persisted less hard during college, I’ll admit) and the hope that I could enjoy myself without the 24/7 demands that you’ve put onto me.
My retirement seems far off right now and this affects my perseverance and efforts. I’m beginning to slip again. If I could just enjoy a short vacation, I think you’ll see a stellar performance one more.

I will eagerly await your approval on this matter.

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I have a question for you all (with or without diabetes):

When you hear the phrase "Imagine a day without diabetes," what does it mean to you?



I think of a literal day without diabetes. One 24 hour period of freedom. Non-diabetics that I have asked responded that it makes them think of a cure. I am interested in knowing what the question stirs up in you. I think it's telling that I am moved by just the prospect of one single day without this disease. As much as I would love a cure and would never turn it down, I think sometimes I lose hope. I don't think about the cure often and I certainly don't expect it (not trying to be negative). I think I'm bitter and I think I need hope. I have more hope for those who are young now. For Gracie. For Joseph. For every child with diabetes.

I need to remember that my hope for a cure is not a selfish thing, but a hope for them.

PhotoWednesday

Tomorrow is D-blog day, so it won't be PhotoThursday here. Instead, it's PhotoWednesday! I'm never usually early for anything. Hopefully I can shake the tiredness and sniffles and organize my thoughts on what to write (I really truly have an idea. Getting onto paper, um, the screen is a different story!)

Diabetes-wise, my numbers are all over. I will start logging again on Monday. I took a short break following my doctor's appt. I think it's time to get motivated by seeing what I'm doing on paper again. Being sick so frequently and the eating habits are not helping anything! Although, I'm cooking at home more, but the plain potato chips are just calling my name! Onto photos...

The following three photos I took this past weekend and were really my three favorites. Especially now that I've gone and doctored them to my liking :)


my nephew


the moon


my friend, matt


I hope you enjoyed.

And if you're a sketchy person looking to steal my photos, please get your own :) (If anyone knows a quick and easy way to lock out right-clicking and saving, I'd be thrilled to know!)

I was out searching the internet for a diabetes ribbon that I liked. I found this one. Wow. I like it :) Can't put the photo here though, so you'll have click the link. It says that they are out of stock, so I am not even sure if it's possible to order these again. Before I buy a diabetes ribbon charm that most people won't even recognize as such, perhaps I should focus on that I.D. bracelet I spoke about and still haven't gotten!


And then I found this one. It's the one now located on my sidebar, but I revised it just slightly, so it's smaller and doesn't look like a button. :)

Do you go to Joslin?

I recently started going back to Joslin (I hadn't been there since I was a kid) and I was wondering how long it takes to get lab results back. My old doctor's office had a machine in the room to test, so I would know before I left and the doctor and I would discuss it. I'm approaching the two week mark now on my appointment--I'm getting a little anxious and impatient! So, how long does it take Joslin typically?

I have been eating EVERYTHING in sight today. Weird kind of day. Not sure what my issue is, but I have a suspicion. I just hate ending the day feeling 20 lbs heavier than when I started! ugh. I also get disappointed at my own lack of self-control. Lame.

I'm trying not to get too down on myself. My usual excuse is that it'll pass and I'll be fine, but a day of off numbers and extra food isn't helping anything and I'm willing to bet it might even be hurting things.

worthwhile research?

Came across this news article just about 30 seconds ago. Sounds like a middle school science fair experiment to me, but apparently some Dutch scientists thought it was worth researching. It does slightly irk me that we still have no cure for cancer, AIDS, the common cold, and oh, say, diabetes. However, we can all rest easier knowing that if we're without duct tape, good ol' wart removing corn pads will work just as well and without the risk of rash. (Am I even lamer for having read the article?!)

In other news, it seems that everyone is having a baby! I know of at least 3 babies that were born in October. (one is my nephew!) My cousin adopted a little boy who had just been born in October. Two coworkers are expecting grandchildren in the next 2 weeks. I just received an email from two friends in college who have been married just over a year and are now pregnant and due in June! Seems like everyone to me ;)

pre-gamin'

Perhaps a different definition of the phrase, "pre-gaming," but a slice of blueberry pie will hopefully provide me with the necessary energy for optimal football watching tonight!

In short:

Pats v. Colts NOW!

A new look!

You know what's great?! Going to bed at 102 and waking up at 106. I like knowing that my basals work. I was slightly uncomfortable with the 102, but then I remembered that I haven't had a nighttime low in a month or so. (And I always wake up. Lows actually keep me from falling asleep and wake me up. Now, at 4 am, if I decided not to treat, I could easily fall back asleep, but thankfully I haven't done this)

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Late last night I manually changed the blogger template a bit using my old html skills from high school/college and some educated guessing. It took some time to find what I wanted, because I never way completely proficient in html or java, but I took my courses, so I understand tags and why things are set up the way they were.

The banner I made using gimp 2.2, which is a great, free alternative to photoshop; for those of us who do not make a living doing this nor do we spend a lot of time chopping. I'm slowly (very very slowly) learning how to use the features. Scale came in very important for the banner, since my first attempt was wider than the rest of the page--oops.

The images used are my own; taken this summer while camping.

Last minute!

I'm a procrastinator!

Technically I have over an hour before today is over and tomorrow begins, but I still feel like it's late to be doing this :) However, I feel no pressure and am not stressed--I'd be worried if I were.

I searched around the internet a bit today for a Diabetes Ribbon image that I didn't think looked dull. This was in response to Penny's Post about the lack of Diabetes Awareness marketing ploys, essentially. I have to wonder if on top of all the reasons Penny brings up, if part of the issues isn't that our ribbons are dull and boring. Gray is kind of a blah color. Pink is vibrant. Red is bold. Yellow is hopeful. Gray is dreary. I think the idea works well on Red Ribbons. However, it does make me focus on the blood part of diabetes--and that I should check my blood sugar!

I think, Penny, that a good way to raise awareness is to work together. I remember a kid at camp in Jr. High wearing a blue ribbon on his hat. It was very tattered; as was the hat. Finally I asked him what it was for. He responded that his sister had died in a car accident and it was to honor her.
If those of us who take the issue of Type 1 diabetes to heart wear our ribbons (we should probably stick with one color, even if it is the dull gray), people will begin to ask about the significance. Perhaps it's a small movement, but I think it could grow and I don't think we should be satisfied with any excuses. Diabetes needs to be an issue. One in three kids born in this generation will become diabetic at some point in their life. Our nation can not afford to ignore this issue anymore!

Once I find an acceptable ribbon (in my opinion), I'll add it to my site.

Thanks Penny for challenging us to rethink how we approach Diabetes Awareness!

PhotoThursdays

If I'm going to stick with this for the month of November, I'm going to need to be creative. Thursdays are BUSY, so I'll share images each Thursday. We'll see if there are other days that need images, but for now, it's just Thursday.

I really enjoy photography. Some of my stuff is good. Some of it is just ok. I have a few shots that I really love.

This shot falls into my good category I think. I don't love it, but it sort of jumps out at me more than many of the other shots from this particular day. Since it was extremely COLD today (comparatively--soon it'll be much colder), I wanted to share a summer photo.

-nablopomo-

So, I would NEVER write a book. Not that I haven't thought about how cool it would be to write a book, but really my attention span would have failed me long before the first chapter was done. When I was a kid, however, I wrote little stories and broke them into chapters and they most all contained ridiculously simple conversation. I found some in the basement not too long ago and was very amused. However, I did start a blog and I have managed to neglect it well enough. This whole a post a day (at least) thing sparked a little interest. I don't have commitment issues. I have follow through and self discipline issues. I almost didn't send the email to say I was participating. My excuse was that I could just make myself post each day; I didn't need to tell anyone I was doing it. See, if I make a promise, I keep it. If there's no measuring of success or anyone to be held accountable to, then I might not follow through. So here's the beginning of a month of posts (maybe I'll even win a prize).

This self-discipline/accountability thing, by the way, did not carry over into my early diabetes management. I told the doctor I would test and I would call in my numbers to get out of his office, not because I meant it--I guess I only lie to people I don't care about? I never would call him. He would get upset. It was quite the relationship. Something changed though. I'm better now. I think the cure to all this is really being in the right place and right frame of mind. I'm not going to follow through and put effort into those things that I'm passionate about and care about. At the time, Diabetes was not what I cared about. Sure I was afraid of the long term affects, but having just come out of puberty with diabetes (hell), I didn't see the point. After all, Diabetes was not manageable by any means, so no matter how hard I tried, my control would always be less than ideal. My doctors would always be disappointed. I've learned in the past few years that Diabetes is manageable. It's tough. It's a 24/7 kind of job. It sucks. But I feel as though there is a little bit of sense to it (most days). Sure things happen that have no logical explanation, but after tweaking my own insulin doses and figuring out my own carb ratios and teaching myself to count carbs, I realized some things are done by formula! I prefer formulas to guesses!

So, no thanks to my doctor, here I am today trying to exercise self-discipline and follow through in yet another area!